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In the few weeks after returning home from the 2003 MCWE World Conference, the on-going issues with kids resurfaced.  Almost daily, we went through the same discussion, encouragement, harassment and discipline.  For Edmond, his challenge is to migrate the habit of ‘putting in the minimum required’ to ‘making the maximum effort’ in school and music education.  For Sonya, hers is time management.  All these are disciplines we’ve worked on for the past several years.  Kids are willing to change but usually they improve, then relax and fall backward.  Then we would go through the same old cycle again and again. 

Furthermore, both kids show anger toward their mom easily now.  When helping them with homework… When something is not done their particular way…  When they don’t get what they asked for…  Day in and day out, mom encounters similar nasty attitudes.  Taking much time and effort to teach the youngsters, we have seen progress in the past.  As they continue to grow, however, their resistance and using anger to find control is also growing. 

Mom felt sad and heavy.  Through a scripture, Holy Spirit asked, “Where is your joy?”  She meditated on this and came to the confession – mom truly felt tired.

A Spiritual Battle?

Everything happens in the spiritual realm first then manifests in the natural realm.  In our case, we have already known and been fighting a spiritual battle.  Mom prays.  She takes authority, binds the spirit of fear, anger, rebellion and looses the Holy Spirit of love, truth and obedience into children’s lives.  Kids have to pray and hear what the Holy Spirit says in many cases.  (Mom needs several hours with Jesus daily in order to hear Him.  Kids pray ten minutes and hear Him right away.  Using Sonya’s words, “It’s not fair.”)  Sometimes, upon mom’s request, they write down what the Spirit instructs them.  Kids do have a willing heart to obey and improve.  Somehow, their improvement does not last?  Why can’t we have consistency?

An Emotional Battle over Confusion

It has been eleven years after the divorce.  Children’s dad does not value or require the same as their mom.  Sometimes dad ridicules mom’s belief, value and approach in rearing his young.   This has caused great confusion in kids’ minds.  They put in great effort to build the ‘Irvine’ attitudes, discipline and schedules.  Two weeks later, when they stay with dad on the weekend, the Irvine values are not encouraged or supported.  Kids go on a total break.  Their momentum drops to valley bottom.  When kids come back to Irvine, they need time to switch from the Los Angeles mindset to the Irvine mindset.  When they pick up the momentum they soon are going to Los Angeles again.  This ‘roller coaster’ syndrome applies to small things; such as teeth brushing, shower, to bigger disciplines like doing homework, time management, to crucial beliefs; such as spiritual training, family prayer time and character building.

Nevertheless, mom cannot afford to give up on ‘bringing kids up in the training and instruction of the Lord.’  (Ephesians 6:4)  In fact, the Lord has overruled all “dad’s vs. mom’s” value conflicts and spoken directly to children.  For many years, He has also given healing and deliverance to mom and kids.  (We’ve written testimonies on His mercy and mighty work in our family.  We shall write many more.)  He is taking kids out of all this emotional confusion, strengthening them so they learn to make righteous decisions to always follow Him, not humans. 

A Flesh Battle

Kids are growing their fleshly desire and capacities now.  Although they are smart, creative and good-natured they are also strong-willed and have a sinful nature just like me.  When their own desires are so strong they either avoid, delay listening to the Lord’s voice, or obey for a short time and soon revert to their own will and old practice.  Edmond will turn 13 in March this year.  Sonya turned 11 last October. To my amazement, as young as they are, children have built strongholds (mindsets) in their minds.  Kids would carry these strongholds into adulthood if mom doesn’t do her job and train up a child in the way he should go.  (…and when he is old he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6)  They might very well rebel against God.  How sorrowful and remorseful would mom be then?  May God have mercy on all of us and this never happen. 

In Dubai School of Ministry in September 2002, Barbara reminded me the truth of ‘dying to self.’  (1 Corinthians 15 ³¹I die every day--I mean that, brothers--just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord.)  We don’t hear it talked about much but it is what God requires of us – carrying our cross and follow Jesus.  Two months ago, I began to discuss with kids on ‘dying to self.’  Since then I’ve begun to see how necessary it is for children to learn it, while at a young age.  And, for both parents and children to live up to it. 

Counsel from the Head of Household

January was rough.  Confrontation – between mom’s spiritual approach and kids’ historical resistance resulting from their battle over dad’s-versus-mom’s value conflict and fleshly desires, reached its peak.  She wants to give kids a godly heritage.  Now she feels hurt and tired in fulfilling her divine duty as a mother.  Kids have progressed a long way.  Yet at such young age, they have difficulty facing tough emotional challenges in choosing values and making sound decisions.  This has also contributed to their quietly building up ‘strongholds’ and refusing to change.  They don’t know how to verbalize their internal struggles so they use actions to express their confusion.  They don’t hurt mom’s feelings on purpose.  Yet her heart is aching.

After the Head of Household gave the 2003 direction to intensify the spiritual training on Edmond and Sonya on 1/23, mom began to restructure family devotional time.  She had yet to digest unpleasant emotions in this, humanly speaking, lonely parental war.  Sunday morning on 1/26, Holy Spirit heartened her and said, “Love is Long-suffering.”

As much pain as mom has felt in raising her youngsters, she could hardly grasp the long-suffering Heavenly Father has endured in rearing all His children in all human history.  How have we made him suffer?  How patiently has Father been with us in His everlasting love?  As much loneliness mom has felt in her effort of bringing kids up in the training and instruction of the Lord, she wonders how lonely Father has felt all along – when hardly any of His kids could understand or scratch the surface of His bleeding heart.

Great Examples

Other than demonstrating what Jesus teaches, mom’s ultimate resolution is to ask the Holy Ghost to powerfully meet and move on kids.  He has given us many great role models, contemporary as well as old-fashioned, to follow. 

Betty, Yvonne’s prayer mentor, has eight grandchildren now.  She told me how she prayed for her teenage grandson Darren and he never rebelled.  Each one of her grandkids has a special divine calling.  Her nine-year-old granddaughter Brook prophesies and preaches.

The book ‘Kids in Combat’ by David Walters gave mom comforting and stimulating encouragements.  Kids can be as greatly anointed as adults can be.  They can be as mighty warriors and do exploits for Jesus as grown-ups can, if they are properly trained. 

There are great examples in the Bible also.  Samuel, Jeremiah, Timothy and Mary, Mother of Jesus, were all young when God began to use them.  And, truly, our perfect role model – Jesus.

2003 Outlook

God has mercy.  He has given mom time to see the situation and let Him, the great Potter, to mold His children the way He desires. (Jeremiah 18)  As the worship lyrics goes, “I am lost without you…”  It’s all because of Father’s grace and mercy we have thrived.  May Father keep us.  Take us from breakthrough to breakthrough in all battles over spirit, emotions and flesh.  May He be glorifies through our triumph in 2003.  Amen.